Every End Is A New Beginning

Tomorrow morning (bright and early) I take my boys to daycare for the very first time. I know a ton of mothers go through this, but it is a first for me. When my first born came into this world I was already working. Five short weeks and I returned to work, but I had my lovely mother living with me who was able to take care of my baby boy. Although it was hard leaving him, I knew he was in great, if not better, hands. When he was 5 months old my mother moved away and I had to take him to daycare. I had already been leaving him every day to go to work and that day was still so hard for me. I remember crying all the way to work. He was only there for 6 months before my husband got new orders and I had to quit my job and move across the country. Skip ahead over 4 years later and add another precious boy. I have not worked for 2 years. I have spent these last wonderful years with my boys every single day. Unfortunately, life happened. I am now a single mother who must work to support her boys and herself. I am so grateful to get a full time job, but this also means full time daycare. I know the boys will be okay, it is me who might not be. I have grown so attached to these two. I don’t want it to be the end of our playdates during the week. I don’t want to end our story times at the bookstore. I knew eventually this day would come, but I thought they would be in school. I thought I would be able to work part time and still pick them up from after. Life has not turned out how I planned and this day has come too quickly. I squeezed them both so tight before bed tonight, trying not to let them see my tears. I am already a very sensitive person that cries at the drop of a hat. I wonder if I should wait until I drop them off to do my make-up?

I can’t wait for this to become easier. The hard pit in my stomach needs to ease. I know this new beginning will bring them new friends and teach them more than I can at home. I am just ready for next week already, when we will all be a little bit more comfortable in our new routine. I just pray they don’t get sick! (knock on wood)

Loophole

“A loophole is an ambiguity or inadequacy in a system”

So here I am trying to be a single mother and the government won’t help me. My kids are from a military dad so they are covered by his insurance. This means they can only see a specific doctor. Well this specific doctor will only see ONE ‘new’ patient a week so the soonest I can schedule is 1 month away. My new job starts Monday (today is Wednesday) and the Read boys need to get a physical so they can go to daycare. I have called the health department, who referred me to an urgent care, who says they don’t take my insurance, so they referred me to another urgent care, who says I have to go see the ‘specific’ doctor. I have called about 10 doctors trying to get in and no one will see them. I even mentioned the oldest Read has a cough and thought that would get him in sooner, it won’t. It actually makes me sad that if he was really sick I would not be able to get him seen for a month! This system is flawed and frustrating. I just need a doctor to sign a piece of paper and they won’t do it. I am willing to pay a fee and they will not even accept that. Having insurance is worse than not being insured at all! Who came up with this?

This is only the most recent roadblock of a long list of ways I can not get help from the government. I tried to sign us up for WIC (women, infant, and children) who offers some help in getting food. With no job and child support stuck in my horrible lawyers hands, this would be of great help to me. The reason I don’t qualify for this government assistance is because a nice man at church is letting us stay in his one bedroom mother-in-law apartment that he built in the 3rd spot of his garage. They say I have to include him in my household income, even-though he doesn’t help us out in any way except a roof over our heads. He makes too much and that disqualifies us for food. Due to this fun fact I do not qualify for any child care assistance either. When I do start getting a check in a few weeks I will only have $100 leftover after I pay them. And until I get my first check in two weeks, what am I supposed to do? The new daycare only takes cash or check.

So this tells me that in order to get any kind of financial help from the government, I have to be on the street. I won’t do that to my kids. I am so thankful and grateful to have good friends that will let us stay in their garage, but I need food to feed them. I need a doctor that will see them right away. I need help paying for their very expensive (but the cheapest around) daycare. My funds are dwindling and my stress is rising. I am stuck in the tiniest loophole of the system and it sucks.

Mommy Failures -Just Eat!

Having a second child is a lot harder than I thought. Having one that is a complete polar opposite to your first can sometimes make you feel like a failure. Jayden, who is now 4 years old, was such a good eater as a baby. He ate everything I put in front of him. Every vegetable imaginable. He was always in the 70-90 percentile at the doctors. No one ever cautioned me that he was overweight or in poor health. It helps that his daddy is 6’2″! So when baby Jordan came along and decided he wouldn’t eat, and was not even close to the size of his big brother at the same age, I started to stress. Why can’t I get my baby to eat? This is the single most important job as a mom, and I was failing. I breastfed baby Jordan for 13 months and his eating habits starting at 6 months were less than impressive. Now that I am not his single source of nourishment, I feel so out of control. I have been complaining to my mother about his lack of appetite and the fact that he looks so skinny. I know in my mind I am comparing him to his chunky big brother. So after much pushing from my mother and my inner voice I took him to the doctor. That is where I broke down and cried to the doctor that I felt like I was failing as a mom because I can not get my baby to eat. At our last check-up she had mentioned he was in the 9th percentile in weight and I need to increase his foods. So for 2 months I have been obsessing about his food and weight gain. I can tell by his clothes that he was getting taller but not bigger. After a ton of tissues and a bunch of reassurance from the pediatrician- turns out my baby is just fine. We set out a plan for his eating, I am starting a food journal to see how much he is taking in. Here is hoping for the best! 

 

Baby Jordan eating at the doctor- because they always do the opposite of what they do at home!